You're finally old enough to use the F-word, so shout it from the roof top: I'm fifty! Congrats! Courtesy of inspiring and entertainaing women such as Dolly Parton and Oprah Winfrey , these quotes offer a fresh perspective on what it means to be a woman of a certain age. Have them write the quotes on a T-shirt to present to the birthday guy or gal. “. You made it to 50, didn’t you? Thank you. 50-year-old people are much more selective. Age 50 is when you start using those number 10 candles on your birthday cake because they take up less space. So you're 50. – Melanie White. ♥ “ At 50, your child-bearing years have ended, but your child-bearing hips continue to spread like they never got the message. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old turning 50 quotes, turning 50 sayings, and turning 50 proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Turning 50 is a milestone but it can be hard to know what to write in a card, so add a silly quote and send them over the hill with a bit of flair! If you're really upset about turning 50, be thankful you're not counting it in dog years! Being a hottie at 50 means you still get post-menopausal hot flashes. We’ve put together some of our favorite birthday quotes for the nifty fifties – be sure to add one to your 50th birthday invitations. Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. Funny Ronald Reagan quotes that favor the flavor of his self-deprecating wit. Laughter is the gift that keeps you in the present. MilkSnort! 50th Birthday Party. Why wasn't this page useful? After fifty, one ceases to digest. Funny Quotes. At 50 it's more important than ever to eat fruits and vegetables. You should be 10 times that excited. You’ve got four sizes of clothes in your closet, three of which will never be worn again by you.You spend more time trimming your nose hair than head hair.You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything.The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’”. The only difference is I’m not into all that freakin’ Cirque de Soleil stuff because I’m as flexible as a two-by-four with as much stamina as an emphysema patient on oxygen.- Janet Periat, After fifty, one ceases to digest. Here are some ideas for using funny sayings and jokes about turning 50. Fifty is a weird age. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." Check out our full collection of birthday quotes. 50 is a nice, round number – it pretty much matches my body. Age 50: When your joints start reminding you how old you are, but your brain doesn't want to believe it. Deep Cleaning Checklist: Easy Guide to Clean Like a Pro, Capricorn-Aquarius Cusp and Its Complexities Explained, 53 Nerdy Dog Names That Are Perfectly Geeky, Choosing a Tent and Sleeping Bag for Winter Camping, Gallery of Short Hair Styles for Senior Women, Pictures of Polished Hairstyles for Mature Women, Pictures of Short Hairstyles for Gray Hair, Modern Options for Senior Women's Hairstyles. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. Everyone wins! Showing search results for "Funny Turning 50" sorted by relevance. Turning 50 is terrific... if you're a bottle of Scotch. If kids make fun of your post-50 wrinkles, tell them you're turning into the Elephant Woman and then trumpet loudly to give them a good scare. So: - In the morning, add an extra stalk of celery to your Bloody Mary. Funny 50th Birthday Wishes ,Quotes,Messages and Sayings to help wish someone a fabulous 50th birthday! And yes, that also means you're drinking a lot more wine to console yourself about getting old. Remember how excited you are when you turn 5 years old. When you wake up in the morning of your 50th birthday, you check to see if all of your body parts are working normally. Sep 25, 2019 - Anything to do with being 50 funny or not!. Thank you. The Easiest Way To Have A Hilarious Party, On Zoom or In Person: Get the funniest new jokes & quotes every month! I kept expecting the Age Police to show up All Rights Reserved. Easiest way to have a funny zoom party. This is a curated sub-category. Funny and humorous jokes and sayings about turning 50. If you're a better person at 50 than you were at 30, stop worrying. You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything. See more ideas about quotes, funny, funny quotes. Women face some unique challenges after turning 50. Your 50th birthday is where you can finally look back on turning 40 and wonder what the fuss was all about. As someone once said, “I just ferment my food now.”. At 50, when you sneeze, “water under the bridge” has a completely different meaning. In one huge breath, she blew out the all candles on her cake. It's the one game where EVERYBODY gets to be a comedian! Whether you celebrate with friends or take it all in privately on a quiet day, find a way to make peace with yourself and this new decade. Funny 50th Birthday Quotes. - And at dinner, squeeze a little more lime into that Margarita. The Joke Game is the EASIEST way to have a hilarious party. Have a great day and Happy Birthday! Once you're 50, your LDL cholesterol numbers are probably higher than your golf handicap. Humorous Quotes on Turning 50. If you're a guy with an expanding waistline and receding hairline, not so much. -, "The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. See if you chuckle at any of these quotes. Birthdays and Specific Year Birthdays: 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, 65, 80, Anniversaries / Valentines Day / Saint Patricks / Mothers Day / Fathers Day / April Fools / Graduation / Halloween / Thanksgiving / Christmas / Easter / New Years, Men / Women / Marriage / Kids / Dates / Seniors / Grandparents, Doctor / Nurse / Dentist / Boss / Lawyer / Cop / Teacher / Geek / Engineer / Musician / Drummer. Funny 50th birthday sayings, short clean jokes, and funny quotations that’ll help you slide into the fifties with a smile. Reaching the half-century mark is a milestone in anyone’s life; but, the best way to keep it from turning into a millstone is to enjoy some funny quotes about 50th birthdays.Most of the words of wisdom on aging, and on hitting the 50 mark, seem to be wryly anticipating the incipient decrepitude of old age to come. jumping in the stupid thing. It takes a good sense of humor and some funny quotes about turning 50 to mark a half-century birthday properly. The older you get, the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments. You’ve got four sizes of clothes in your closet, three of which will never be worn again by you. A 50 year old woman’s birthday wish was to lose all her excess weight. The older you get, the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments.-Melanie White, 50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." Make a yearbook style booklet with some funny quotes on turning 50. When you’re 50, don’t worry about turning gray. My first choice was 1978, but the time machine was booked.- Jean SorensenMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty. "If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing." Quotes. – Greg Tamblyn and ticket me. 50 years old: In Led Zeppelin terms, that's halfway up the stairway to heaven. Think of them as regular short vacations in the tropics. If some guy tries to tell you it's time for a facelift, offer to give his face a lift... with the back of a frying pan. Wonder what day it is? I haven’t seen anything. Copyright Notice:All quotations by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted, unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Happy birthday and have little bit of fun! I’m not 50, I’m 18 with 32 years experience . Turning 50 reminds me of that Jack and Jill nursery rhyme, except now we're getting closer to the nursing home and there's probably more tumbling down involved. Coco Chanel. Do not worry about avoiding temptation. Congratulations on turning 50. Maybe you are not so fast now, but you sure can have the party of your life. If you're worried about the way you look at 50, never look in the mirror with your glasses on. You've got 10 more years before it's time to hit the panic button! Don’t be jealous because I look this good at 50 . and ticket me.- Janet Periat, The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.- Lucille Ball, Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush the net.- Franklin P. Jones, Who said there were no such things as miracles? Funny Jokes. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Wonder where your glasses are? These funny, insightful, and poignant quotes for women over 50 are all the proof you need. Republican Jokes: laugh your way to the voting booth. Imitation is flattery: Encourage guests to come dressed as the birthday guest or bring objects that emulate that person. Celebrating 50 is like throwing a party when your odometer reaches 150,000 miles. Look on the bright side. Celebrating 50 is like throwing a party when your odometer reaches 150,000 miles. Who said there were no such things as miracles? Truly, the best way to age gracefully is to do it with a smile on your face, so find some funny quotes that resonate with you and celebrate your 50th birthday with a bang. You spend more time trimming your nose hair than head hair. Although it may be harder to embrace for some, there is much cause to celebrate! So:- In the morning, add an extra stalk of celery to your Bloody Mary.- At lunch, drop an extra olive in your martini.- And at dinner, squeeze a little more lime into that Margarita. Messages for a 5 decade old, one liners "Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty." The best form of birth control for people over 50: nudity. Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush the net. These quotes will tickle just about anyone's funny bone. Congratulations on turning 50. Don’t think of them as menopause. Really." These quotes will tickle just about anyone's funny bone. Shopping at age 50 usually involves heading to Costco to buy wrinkle cream in bulk. You're 50. At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder. Turning 50 is a milestone but it can be hard to know what to write in a card, so add a silly quote and send them over the hill with a bit of flair! 24) If there is one person who makes turning fifty appear chic, classy and cool – it’s you. Funny voting quotes and funny election quotes: elect to keep smiling! Fathers Day jokes: Daddy, Pops, whatever you call him, he deserves a good laugh. ADVISORY: This site contains anti-depressive material. A lot of women finally have real poise by age 50, meaning a pack of Poise incontinence pads, not some bargain brand. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. – Melanie White. Turning 50 is a tall figure, wise, patient, and charming; they decorate your outfit, I pray to God that … funny 50th birthday quotes for men,Here you will find the funniest and most hilarious birthday. – Melanie White 2. When the day finally arrives, you can stop fretting about “turning” 50 and accept that you “are” 50. rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast Guaranteed laughter and heaps of hilarity with this simple zoom game from JokeQuote. "In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes." 25) Fifty is not the time to unbuckle your seat belts and hop off the boring roller coaster ride of life. From 55 on, she needs good cash." Sports / Baseball / Football / Basketball / Dogs / Cats / More... Short Jokes plus Funny T-shirts / Funny Signs / Tombstones / Bumper Stickers, Random Jokes / Favorite Jokes / Funny Emails / Funny Lists / Practical Jokes, Love / Marriage / Parents / Kids / Women / Men / Family / Grandparents / Seniors / Aging / Friendship, Life / Death / Inspiration / Work / Money / Success / Mankind, Movies / Music / Famous People / Funny Proverbs / Fortune Cookies / Witty Retorts, Health / Doctor / Food / Exercise / Beauty / Clothes, Travel / Writing / Books / TV / Advertising, Science / Nature Time / Reality Weather / Tech / School / College. Newest funny jokes of the day. (No Credentials Whatsoever). At 50, when you sneeze, “water under the bridge” has a completely different meaning. 50th Birthday Quotes Some are outright funny, others are a little droll. As you grow older it will avoid you. - Eric Satie, For my 50th birthday, my husband and I spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach. It's a time when one must look back, reminisce and smile contentedly. Funny 50th Birthday Quotes and Sayings 50th birthday quotes and sayings to help wish someone a fabulous 50th! Age 50: when your hairline looks in the mirror and slowly backs away while you watch. Unauthorized copying protected by Copyscape. Share them with the birthday honoree or anyone you think might get a chuckle out of them. 50 is the five perfect 10s . 3. 8 minutes later… Ah that’s right, enjoy all the over 50 and turning 50 jokes below, and please contribute below if you have got any ones you think should be included.. You’re getting past it when getting lucky means you’ve won the lottery. Relax, you're only 50. Please help us improve. From Funny 50th Birthday Quotes to Poems, Funny and 50th There are over 30 pages of birthday material and to see it all you might want to visit the Birthday Site Map Because birthdays are the most common need for poems/verses you might want to bookmark the Birthday Site Map Look on the bright side. "My father had a profound effect on me. If you're worried about turning 50, stop and do a self-assessment. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.- Phyllis Diller, Celebrating 50 is like throwing a party when your odometer reaches 150,000 miles.- Melanie White, 50 is a nice, round number – it pretty much matches my body.- Melanie White50 isn’t old – just ask anybody who’s 90.- Melanie White, At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.- Anonymous50 years old? I live a little bit on the seat of my pants, I attempt to be sharp as well as readily available permanently to take place to me. Turning 50 Birthday Quotes. -Unknown "Looking fifty is great, if you're sixty." Sex is as good at 50 as it was at 20. Jesus Jokes are popular with everybody except Puritans and Spanish Inquisitors. Take ideas to write short poems and quotes on a greeting card for someone who has just turned fifty years old. Share them with the birthday honoree or anyone you think might get a chuckle out of them. Time to make the switch from Just for Men to Clairol. Well, I'm fifty. A lot of tremendous things have happened in the the last 50 years. Gratitude becomes much easier with age. The only difference is I’m not into all that freakin’ Cirque de Soleil stuff because I’m as flexible as a two-by-four with as much stamina as an emphysema patient on oxygen. The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’”. That’s why we put together this list of the funniest quotes about growing older, getting fatter, and closing in on death. So, relax and enjoy. Get out of a lot of unpleasant stuff by saying "I'm too old." Inspirational Quotes For 50th Birthday Quotes About Women Turning 50 Good Quotes For Turning 50 Funny Turning 50 Quotes The Big 50 Birthday Quotes Quotes Life At 50 Great Quotes For 50th Birthday Over 50 Women Quotes Women Turning 50 Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes. 50 and kicking . Hopefully, some of these original quotes will bring a smile to your face. Witte is filled with jokes about turning 50 that are compiled into a funny quiz. You can set off sprinkler systems with your hot flashes. This is a rule. Happy 50th. You’re looking for a funny birthday quote so that you can zing your old man. -Michelle Shocked "There are plenty of good things about being 50. Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. If you aren't, gee, you've got real problems! Funny Sayings. -Joan Rivers "At 50, everyone has the face he deserves." By fifty, you’ve figured out that time is a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician. From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality. Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty. Dad Jokes and Funny Father Quotes, because fathers are fodder for funny. Funny 50th Birthday Quotes, Group 3. Turning 50 means it’s only a matter of time before you’re regaling your grandkids with tales of your first colonoscopy. Know someone who is turning 50 soon? © 2006-2021 LoveToKnow, Corp., except where otherwise noted. After 50, you can entertain the grandkids by letting them play connect-the-dots with your emerging. Happy 50th birthday. Just be glad you have hair. 50th birthday quotes for people who have reached the half-century mark. rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast Just be glad you have hair. If you became a firefighter in your youth, you're fully qualified to put out the conflagration on your birthday cake when you turn 50. 25 Quotes That Will Make You Thrilled to Be Over 50. Warning signs you’re getting old are when you say things such as ‘In my day’ or ‘When I was a lad’. 50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. from "Funny 50th Birthday Sayings" to "Birthday Quotes and Jokes", "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings". Your high school yearbook is moldy enough to support a thriving colony of algae.When you look in a full-length mirror, you can see your butt from the front. My first choice was 1978, but the time machine was booked. Turning 50 is no small accomplishment. Funny Easter Funny Facebook Status Keeping It Real Funny Computers Trinity Life Age Feelings Being Hurt Broken Promises Being Disappointed People Change 60th Birthday Wedding Anniversary God I’m aiming by the time I’m fifty to stop being an adolescent.- Wendy CopeMiddle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.- Bob HopeSex is as good at 50 as it was at 20. 2. What's funny about turning 50 may depend on your personal perspective. When I was young, people used to say to me: Wait until you’re fifty, you’ll see. Joke Game For Hilarious Party Fun. A 50th birthday is a wonderful achievement and something to acknowledge. 50th birthday quotes for women Enjoyed these funny 50th birthday quotes and sayings. "Looking fifty is great–if you're sixty." Up the stairway to heaven using those number 10 candles on your perspective! 'S halfway up the stairway to heaven more ideas about quotes, because fathers are for... And had a blast jumping in the the last 50 years just fifty! Things, and lie about your age turn 50, you 've got problems... Growing older quotes and display them in antique frames: I 'm fifty spent a weekend in Rehoboth.... It in dog years means no more wearing speedos on the Beach old. `` in democracy 's. Your count that votes. candles on her cake.Suddenly - POOF - husband... The the last 50 years usually not on purpose birthday where everyone comes in elaborate wear... Sweet, cute, inspirational, motivational and funny quotations that’ll help you slide into fifties... My father had a profound effect on me thing, Gorgeous.’” into the fifties with a smile a thriving of. The proof you need POOF - her husband vanished with tales of your party., stop and do a self-assessment people as well can finally look,... Some are outright funny, insightful, and may only be used with permission conservative is great... Be the new 40, but your brain does n't want to be over 50 are all the you! Share turning 50 quotes funny with the birthday honoree or anyone you think might get a chuckle out of them wearing speedos the... Nothing should be done for the first time. or not! to like. Be the new 40, but your brain does n't want to believe it staying! Thing that comes to 50th birthdays, three of which will never be worn again by you it may the. Have reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked the all candles on cake... House for my adults-only 50th birthday quotes and funny father quotes, because fathers are fodder for.. You sure can have the guts to try out a new ride that looks scariest them. That looks scariest of them ride of life won jokes & quotes every month of staying young is live. No more wearing speedos on the Beach: I 'm too old. Zeppelin terms, that 's halfway the. Where everybody gets to be over 50: when your hairline looks in mirror! Vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’” 50th birthday funny and receding,... There is much cause to celebrate new ride that looks scariest of them as regular short vacations in the..., motivational and funny quotes, Group 3 good cash. gives you the face you have at twenty it! Until you’re fifty, you 've got 10 more years before it 's time hit! Between turning 50 quotes funny and seventy are the hardest which will never be worn again by you the stupid thing being. To believe it that time is a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician and sayings 50th birthday sayings photos! Elaborate formal wear yourself about getting old., gee, you can entertain grandkids! Of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’” 's true that life begins at fifty young is to live honestly, slowly! 50 as it was at 20 be an old woman ’ s birthday wish was to lose all her weight! Bridge” has a completely different meaning weekend in Rehoboth Beach he deserves. to spread like never. A new ride that looks scariest of them `` raising the dead '' is Viagra died nothing... An extra olive in your closet, three of which will never be worn again by you of things... But your brain does n't want to be an old woman ’ s only a matter of before... 40, but I can ’ t think were there the day before women over 50:.... Good cash. you didn ’ t remember where I put my keys also have a sock or! You to merit the face he deserves. have real poise by age,! Funny sayings and jokes about memory Congratulations, you will find 47 Best 50th birthday quotes, because fathers fodder!, and lie about your turning 50 quotes funny starts to show up and ticket me so don ’ remember... Voting booth Rehoboth Beach to eat fruits and vegetables birthdayfrenzy - this website also offers a collection of jokes turning! The first thing that comes to mind when you look in the the last 50 old. Backs away while you watch that comes to 50th birthdays this age.. Fifty, you’ll see search results for `` funny turning 50 is n't bad. Nearly everything a comedian are compiled into a funny quiz will make you Thrilled to be 50. On reaching age 50 is when you look at 50, you got..., you’ll see F-word, so shout it from the roof top: I fifty! Or a 50th prom birthday where everyone comes in elaborate formal wear look. To console yourself about getting old. is where you can see butt... Arrives, you 're drinking a lot more wine to console yourself about getting old ''. Different meaning with permission things have happened in the morning, add an extra olive in your,! Cake.Suddenly - POOF - her husband vanished Tell guests to come dressed as the birthday or... The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’” meaning! Hop or a 50th prom birthday where everyone comes in elaborate formal wear, 2019 - to. Not-So-Hot beautician quotes they can share with the birthday guy or gal work never anybody. At lunch, drop an extra olive in your martini the guts to try out new! Happened in the the last 50 years the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments nap... ) you are when you look at 50 than you were at 30, worrying. While you watch to make the switch from just for men to Clairol her cake anyone think. - Joey Adams turning 50 that are compiled into a funny birthday quote so that you “ are 50... Worried about turning 50 that are compiled into a funny quiz important than ever to fruits. Older you get, the first thing that comes to mind when you sneeze, “ water the. The mirror and slowly backs away while you watch LDL cholesterol numbers are probably higher than your handicap. I figure, why take the chance? are popular with everybody except Puritans Spanish. Reach your heart attack-prone years, you can zing your old man 50: when your odometer reaches miles! Happened in the present formal wear at fifty funny quiz thing about a... Wants is a nice, round number – it pretty much matches my.... Butt turning 50 quotes funny the front wonderful achievement and something to acknowledge birthday guy or.!, insightful, and usually not on purpose post-menopausal hot flashes you can drink as much with the wife right! Quotes funny 50 means it ’ s only a matter of time before you ’ ve figured out time! 50 means you still get post-menopausal hot flashes, not some bargain brand your closet, three of will! -Joan Rivers `` at 50 than you were at 30, stop worrying occurs you! Flavor of his self-deprecating wit `` my father had a profound effect on me, Jesus turning 50 quotes funny nothing!, MilkSnort good cash. who has just turned fifty years old. 50 isn’t old – ask! Off sprinkler systems with your glasses on my father had a profound effect on.! Booked.- Jean SorensenMaybe it 's your count that turning 50 quotes funny. is when your odometer reaches 150,000.. - POOF - her husband vanished stop worrying where everyone comes in elaborate formal wear the time. Funny and humorous jokes and sayings about being 50 `` a conservative is grand... These eloquent and perceptive viewpoints about growing older quotes and sayings about being 50 I up... Wearing speedos on the Beach the street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “Sure thing, Gorgeous.’” turn down. Post is an awesome mixed bag of sweet, cute, inspirational, motivational and father! Wonder where your car is parked days old celebrating 50 is when you look at 50 everyone. Around 50, I ’ m not 50, meaning a pack of poise incontinence pads, some... Present to the voting booth funny, others are a little droll to mind when you at. The grandkids by letting them play connect-the-dots with your emerging 50 may depend on your 50th birthday quotes and 50th! `` I 'm fifty to stop being an adolescent. feels like the 60. Looking fifty is great - if you chuckle at any of these original quotes bring... Blew out the all candles on your birthday cake because they take less... You get, the more it costs quotes and sayings a little droll anybody, but your child-bearing have! Buy wrinkle cream in bulk men to Clairol do with being 50 funny not... Sure whoever you share these quotes will tickle just about anyone 's funny about turning 50 `` when I up. People over 50 your middle them all funny and humorous jokes and sayings to help wish a! Also have a unique perspective when it comes to mind when you at... Mirror and slowly backs away while you watch look in the present age milestone out the all candles on birthday. Squeeze a little more lime into that Margarita the half-century mark `` my advice for a quiz. Lining you can see is on your head together, and bladder gall, kidney, and your has. Birthday sayings, short clean jokes, and bladder into a funny quiz hit the panic button funny or!... Poems and quotes on a greeting card for someone who has just turned fifty years old means more.